Destiny, fate, karma. These are all things that describe the coming future of hero Kyle Rittenhouse.
The Kenosha Krackshot has been making the rounds as of lately, appearing on the popular Tucker Carlson program, Judge Jeannine, and just yesterday on hilarious satire show America’s Most Wanted. But now there’s a new contender.
“Dancing with the Stars” is the epic smash hit television show on ABC, (A division of groomer Disney), that features celebrities dancing against each other. The newest season has been announced, and will feature such luminaries as Rittenhouse, the corpse of former conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh, and reigning champion 98-year old twinkletoes Bob Barker.
The Murdering Mumbletits has been paired with professional dancer Joe Barron, a gymnast and former Olympic-level wrestler and homosexual. Barron has sequestered the youth in his sexy log cabin for weeks, teaching him his sweetest and gooeyest moves in advance of airing.
The program has come under some fire recently, for functioning as a “gay hookup” for many celebrities, live on the air, but most former stars reject that conspiracy theory. Except former third-placer Lindsey Graham, who is now engaged to his mentor Steve Ashbaucher.
Do you think Kyle will manage to dance his way into your hearts after tapping gently into Whoopi Goldberg and other’s pocketbooks? We’re all pretty ready to see him give it the old one-two try!
