Rudy Giuliani Files Defamation Suit Against Nancy Pelosi

Rudy Giuliani has decided to fight back against Nancy Pelosi and her smear campaign. In a move nobody saw coming, the former hero Mayor of New York has filed a defamation of character lawsuit in the 27th District Court of Writs and Warrants.

According to the suit, Nancy Pelosi has a lot of explaining to do:

“Rudolph Gary Giuliani, hereafter known as ‘plaintiff,’ accuses Nancy Delano Pelosi, hereafter known as ‘defendant,’ of defamation of character in the first degree. Plaintiff is seeking retractions of the following statements made by the defendant:

• Rudy is a clown.
• Giuliani wouldn’t know the law if it jumped up and bit him in the fivehead.
• Rudy Giuliani is a joke who nobody would remember had it not been for 911.
• Giuliani can kiss my ass.
• Rudy Giuliani isn’t a real lawyer. He’s an ex-ambulance chaser whose career would be dead in the water if not for the fact that he defends the world’s biggest narcissist.

“Plaintiff also demands an apology from the defendant and seeks monetary rewards in the amount of $1 billion.“

Pelosi’s office has refused to comment, calling the lawsuit a complete waste of time. Her spokesman, Art Tubolls, released this statement:

“The Speaker won’t be responding to this nonsense. She has said repeatedly that Giuliani is a clown and she stands by it. If he has an issue, he should file a lawsuit that matters in a court that exists.”

It is widely speculated that Giuliani continues to file cases in the 27th District because it is “conservative-friendly,” which some have said means “truth doesn’t matter.” We disagree. The 27th Court has heard cases including the 4th-trimester abortion law in California and the stay of Obama’s planned takeover of the state of Texas during Jade Helm 15.

Giuliani says he’s confident that he’ll come out on top and that he’ll never stop suing people as long as there’s still something to sue them for. His patriotism has been questioned, and that won’t stand.