Malia Obama Rips Confederate Flag from Patriot’s Hands at Protest

Patriots across America are rising up against their tyrannical Democrat governors and demanding that their states reopen for business.

But some counter-protestors have not been content to let real Americans display their guns, demand signs, and Confederate flags as they demand the right to get back to business, getting haircuts, eating at Applebee’s, and reminding everyone that the current crisis is a hoax manufactured by George Soros.

At a protest yesterday in Chicago, failed former president Barack Hussein Obama’s daughter Malia Obama confronted a pot-bellied patriot (nicknamed Porkroll, according to the tattoo on his neck) and ripped the Confederate flag he was waving right out of his pudgy hand.

Mr. Porkroll, who fancies himself a true American and a rather tough fellow, was brandishing both an AR-15 and a Confederate flag as Malia Obama approached him. She’s about eight inches taller than he is, and bystanders tell our intrepid reporter Sandy Batt that Mr. Porkroll was so intimidated that he tried to run away from her.

Nevertheless, she persisted in her approach, grabbed his precious flag out of his hand, ripped it in half, dropped it to the ground, stomped on it, lit it on fire, and then spit on the ashes. It was quite a display of disgust by the former First Daughter, and hundreds of counter-protestors cheered her on.

Mr. Porkroll and the other patriots who somehow think that waving the flag of traitors to the Union is a good thing yelled all sorts of horrible things at Malia and her fellow counter-protestors. But all that bluster was just that…bluster.

When Malia, a bunch of nurses, a few retired teachers, and a few hundred other people who don’t mind doing their part to try to save the country from a medical catastrophe stood silently, six feet apart, staring down the traitor-flag wavers, the traitor-flag wavers retreated to their mamas’ basements and posted made up stories about their heroism on Reddit.

Typical.