AOC to Lose Her Seat, Thanks to Republican-Led Redistricting Plan

All the polls are showing that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the socialist representative from New York, will easily win reelection to her Congressional seat in November.

But thanks to the quick thinking of the Republican Speaker of the House of New York, she will LOSE her seat, no matter how well she’s doing in the polls.

How?

Speaker Joe Barron, Republican of Tuberville in upstate New York, is also in charge of the state’s redistricting committee — and he is simply getting rid of her seat. He combined four previous districts, divided them up into three new ones, and assigned the existing representatives to the new districts in alphabetical order.

Representatives O’Bama, O’Callaghan, and O’Canyoubelievethis breathed huge sighs of relief that their names are alphabetically superior to Ocasio-Cortez, and they will get to keep their seats because of that.

Meanwhile, AOC has vowed to fight the redistricting in court.

“It’s completely unheard of to roll out a redistricting plan two months before an election. This is blatantly political, and I will take this all the way to the Supreme Court if I have to,” declared AOC in a press conference on the steps of the Capitol.

Speaker Barron’s spokesman, Dave Bruna, said that this redistricting plan is completely legal and will be implemented only as a cost-cutting move, not to punish the media-savvy young representative who gets waaaaay more attention than all the crusty old Republican men who secretly want to date her but publicly trash her progressive ideals.

This is the Republican way, patriots: if the polls don’t go your way, rely on an underhanded, devious deed to do the job that the voters won’t.

Republicans can’t win on their ideas, so they rely on the Electoral College, gerrymandering, and voter suppression to cling to their dwindling power.

“Un-American” doesn’t begin to describe these horrible people.