Alcoholics Anonymous Bans Nancy Pelosi for Life

After another drunken outburst by Nancy Pelosi at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, they have finally decided that they have had enough and have banned the Speaker from their meetings for life.

At the meeting that served as the last straw for Pelosi, several new attendees that had summoned all of their courage to face their addictions were openly mocked by the clearly schnockered liberal Congresswoman.

When one said that he had a 10 drink a day habit, she called him a lightweight. When one said that she drank a fifth of rum every day, Pelosi said she had two of them before she came to the meeting and then slammed another right then and there.

At this point, the attendees were fairly uncomfortable. When one, Norm Peterson, proudly declared that he had been sober for a week for the first time in years, she looked horrified and grabbed him by the throat and shoved the rest of her bottle in his mouth. That poor man did everything he could to resist until everyone in the meeting pulled her off of him.

But the damage was already done. The man declared that he’d never summon the courage to seek help again and headed off to the Bull and Finch Pub to drown his sorrows.

Art Tubolls was the only one who was in the meeting willing to talk on the record.

“She came in late like she owned the place. We’re not the House of Representatives and here, she isn’t in charge of anything.

Here, we are all equal and all have acknowledged that we need help…well, all of us except for her. I know I’m not supposed to speak badly about anyone who is at these meetings, but in my view, it was pretty obvious that she was forced to be there.

Now that she’s banned, she can’t sabotage the rest of us anymore.

I hope that Norm comes back. He was doing really well and was an inspiration to all of us.”

Fortunately, news of her drunken behavior is impacting her in the polls and she is forecast to lose in November. God and good patriots willing, she will be retired in November, where she can drink herself to sleep every night as far away from the government as possible.