Taylor Swift hasn’t had a country hit in over a decade, even though she makes sure to put at least one on every album. That’s how she maintains a membership in the Academy of Country Music.
After a slew of complaints that she keeps getting nominated for awards and then winning them, even though she has no country hits, the ACM has voted to cancel her membership and send her packing.
“She hasn’t been one of us in years,” said George Strait’s standup bass player Joe Barron, “She just comes around at award time to make herself the center of attention. Did you see her at the Grammys? She wouldn’t sit down. She’s eleven feet tall for Christ’s sake. You’re in the way, stork!”
You’ll have to excuse our source, patriots. In the ALLOD multiverse, we count on Joe to play many roles, and he’s a little uncomfortable with “angry boomer.”
“Get the fuck off my lawn,” said Barron, “Grab a latte and a Tide Pod instead of a house, ya dumbass.”
God love him. We don’t have the heart to put him in a home because chances are he’ll be the CEO of Nike tomorrow.
Thanks for your input, Joe, and as always, God Bless America.
