Trump to Hold Massive Military Parade to Celebrate Virus Victory

President Donald Trump is the most patriotic commander-in-chief that we’ve had in ages. He really gets into the ceremonies and traditions that are part of the cloth of our country. He’s protecting historic statues. He loves our military.

So, it should come as no surprise that he is ready to move forward with our American life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

To mark the victory of reopening the country, holding political rallies, and basically completely ignoring the seriousness of the current state of our world, Trump will be holding the biggest and best Military Victory Parade.

It’s going to be the biggest and the best! Trump said it himself:

“It’s going to be the biggest and best.”

Since that’s in quotes, it makes it so.

Nevermind the fact that some “hot spot” states are experiencing the most community spread seen since illness hit the continental United States. Forget about the fact that scientists and doctors all over the world are still on high alert about the spread and mortality rate.

None of that really matters. What matters is that people get to leave their houses without masks. They can get their hair cut. They can get their nails done. They can go out to dinner and visit the beach.

Want to go to Myrtle Beach? Go for it. Even though they just had to shut down the beach due to increased numbers.

Want to visit your local restaurant or bar? It’s all good. But, call first, because some have had to close down for “third-party cleaning.” Ready to shop til you drop? Well, those home decor “Live, Laugh, Love” signs aren’t going to buy themselves now are they, Karen?

A massive military parade is exactly what this country needs. Maybe we will even get one of those iconic moments where a man grabs a woman he doesn’t know and kisses her. That would be super swell!