The numbers are in and they’re…amazing. Not only did the blockbuster hit “Sound of Freedom” featuring megastar Jim Caviezel knock Taylor Swift off the board, but it also outperformed all of Disney’s woke storylines combined.
“We did really well,” said Caviezel, “the movie was a big hit, and the way the fans spread the love to others was simply amazing.” The star is referring to the option at the end of the movie to buy extra tickets for those less fortunate to go and see it. Records show that they accounted for more than half of the movie’s haul.
There’s no proof anyone in need actually asked for one, but several halfway houses grabbed them by the dozen to use for weekend activities for those who haven’t earned a pass and to hand out at the car wash fundraiser.
According to our calculations, which may not be accurate or even close to correct, “Sound of Freedom” made more than The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and whatever Marvel put out by a whole bunch. “We had to stop counting at midnight,” said Deputy Tallier Joe Barron, “but we’re pretty sure we have a good idea of where everything stands.”
Under those guidelines, we’ve declared the movie the best of 2023 and refuse to acknowledge the five films Disney has in the top 20 or the $1.2 billion or so they netted. Congratulations to Angel Films for the big win.
“We’re hoping to do a sequel with a more reputable person as the main character,” said Mel Gibson, who has taken the reigns to develop Freedom II, “That last guy was kind of a dick.”
Caveizel agreed and said he hopes he’ll get to use his powers as Messiah for this film. “They wouldn’t let me save myself in Passion,” he said, “but I do get to come back from the dead, so I have that going for me.” Passion II will be a real knee-slappin’ good time for sure. God Bless America.
