It was a tense day in Minsk for Team USA Women’s Swimming. Emma Weyent was down with the flu, so they tacked on Riley Gaines, the most competent alternate swimmer.
“We needed someone who could come through in a clutch situation,” said Coach Joe Barron, “To be honest, we initially thought to call Lia Thomas.”
The officials in Minsk put a stop to that. According to their country’s national athletic code of conduct, transgender people are only allowed to compete on the team with the gender they were assigned at birth. Thomas was offered the opportunity to swim for the men’s team, but they declined due to a full roster and how absolutely ridiculous that whole thing sounds.
Riley came through, however, winning the gold in the women’s 22K meter relay and tying for 5th in the 200 to someone she could swear she saw playing men’s Lacrosse the week before in Tucson.
We’d like to offer our congratulations to Riley for continuing to keep herself relevant and in the news cycle by being so bitter and filled with hate that she’s the perfect object for this kind of nonsense. The blonde hair and little boyish butt are also very popular with the common manly tater.
We asked Lia Thomas what she thought of the whole thing, but she couldn’t stop laughing, so we hung up. She, of course, moved on from this garbage a couple of years ago and doesn’t feel the need to stay in the public eye to avoid a boring life as a dentist.
God bless you and your Dory-like eyes, Riley. You’re a true patriot. God Bless America.
