There are two very important things to remember about chickens. The first is that they make an excellent soup for one’s soul. The second, of course, is that they always come home to roost. Yesterday, at a fundraiser at the house of star George Clooney in Hollywood, California, former President Barack Obama’s prize poultry peccadillo finally returned to the litter box.
In the midst of a speech detailing his new Netflix properties, his wife’s book, and how best to destroy the free world, the Man Who May Be Barry Soetero took a moment to apologize for his greatest slip : Benghazi:
“I apologize, firstly, for what a ridiculous farce conservatives have made out of the death of four Americans in Benghazi. In their attempt at childish conspiracy-building, Fox News and other right-wing blowjobbers lied, embellished, and screamed bloody murder to make these Americans into internet memes and garbage. There is absolutely no deeper low they could sink to. Except maybe justifying putting kids in cages. Hillary only called them ‘deplorable’ because she stopped herself short of using : ‘douchebag.'”
The event lasted long into the night, and raised over 90 million dollars for the DNC. It concluded with NBA star Steff Curry throwing Kathy Griffin’s severed Trump head flawlessly into a punch bowl from the front door of the mansion.
