NFL Loses Its Mind: ‘ALL Players WILL Kneel For The Anthem On Opening Day’

The NFL has decided to institute a policy shift that could lose them their biggest sponsor: The US Government. According to our source inside the NFL’s Corporate Office in Tallahasse, the powers that be have decided that they will “require all players to kneel for the National Anthem on opening day in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement.”

So basically, the NFL has decided to back Antifa and allow a terrorist organization to dictate what happens on their fields. But the move isn’t being received well by the US Armed Forces, which paid in advance for 20 years of nationalist rhetoric before each game. The spokesman for the Army, Lt. Joe Barron, says they may pull their support:

“These people are insane. We need folks to revere the flag and believe that everything about America is noble and good so we can continue recruiting for the war machine. How else are we supposed to get our young people to sign up? There are hardly any brown people left to shoot at and unless someone creates an issue that will allow us to blow large holes in a small sovereign nation soon, we could be looking at having to decrease the size of our military.”

The NFL says they made a mistake by not allowing players to express their 1st Amendment rights, and that by allowing pressure from white supremacists, AKA Trump’s base, to sway their policy, they’ve turned their back on America. Plus, let’s face it — if you were to eliminate people of color from the sport, you’d be left with a few dozen white dudes, most of whom can’t run very fast.

According to the new rule, any player failing to take a knee in solidarity with the movement can clean out their locker. Drew Brees is expected to retire sometime later today.