Nancy Pelosi Says Voting Should be Mandatory or Face a $2,000 Fine

Nancy Pelosi has joined forces with her fellow anti-American Congress members from California, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters, to introduce a bill that will certainly anger every patriotic American who knows that the right to vote is a good thing to talk about but really, really bad for Republicans. What’s she up to now, you ask? She wants to make voting mandatory for every American citizen age 18 and older.

The sacred American right to vote in free and fair elections is matched only by the sacred right to NOT vote, complain loudly about the results, and claim conspiracies when your preferred candidate doesn’t win. It’s also fashionable to claim that truckloads of dead people and many people who own lots of hats cast fraudulent votes every election, but we know that corpses can’t pull the lever and also that a hat isn’t a good disguise.

But let’s get back to Nancy Pelosi’s bill to make voting mandatory. This is a great idea! The only downside is the penalty for people who don’t vote — a $2,000 fine, conveniently added to their federal tax bill each year that they ignore their sacred civic duty. The upside? Full participation in our democracy. Pelosi, Schiff, and Waters issued a joint statement that said, “The future of our republic relies on the consent of the governed. The best way to get that consent is in the voting booth. With all 50 states guaranteeing the right to vote by mail, there’s no excuse not to vote.” It makes so much sense, only Mitch McConnell will disagree.

As if on cue, Mitch McConnell issued a response:

“This bill flies in the face of rugged American individualism and freedom and liberty and guns and the American way of complaining about everything while refusing to participate in our voting process. Everyone knows that high voter turnout favors Democrats, so we will fight this bill and do everything we can to keep voter turnout low and convince patriotic Americans that NOT voting is the American way.”

Art Tubolls, voter turnout expert, said this bill would be a good start to countering the voter suppression efforts put in place by Republicans over the last decade. Let’s get it done, patriots!