Nancy Pelosi Banned from White House for Life After Drunken Rampage

The alcohol problem of Nancy Pelosi is very well known. She makes no attempt to hide it, drinking openly everywhere she goes. Her drunken antics are legendary, and she always ends up plastered all over our pages at least weekly.

This morning she was at it again and as a result, she has been banned from stepping foot in the White House ever again for the rest of her life.

Pelosi charged into the White House this morning slurring and stumbling. She had no official business there. Instead, it seems she was on some drunken personal mission.

Most people’s drunken missions involve heading to Waffle House to shovel down some greasy fried food, but not Nancy. She had her sights set much higher, right to the power center of the western world.

Nobody was sure of the source of her rage. She screamed incoherently about a variety of subjects. Observers were able to make out a few words: fascist, Fox News, virus, Cheeto, and pee fetish were all heard quite clearly and very loudly.

The last apparent subject was immediately followed with, “This should turn the old orange on,” before she squatted in front of President Trump’s Oval Office and proceeded to urinate for what seemed like an eternity, loudly moaning throughout the flow.

Security rushed the Speaker and threw her on the ground with her kicking and screaming all the way to the exit. Afterward, this letter was sent to Pelosi by the head of White House Security Forces, Sandy Batt:

“Mrs. Pelosi,

If you ever set foot in the official home of this or any future president of these United States of America, you will be removed and possibly imprisoned at the president’s discretion.

Henceforth, your are persona non grata in this building and on these grounds.

Are we still on for this Friday night? Let’s get loaded.

Signed,

Sandy Batt

President of the White House”

This woman is a disaster. Somebody should really have her forcibly committed to a treatment center. In the meantime, she should be removed from office and impeached. Our hard-working President should not have to be subjected to these lewd acts in his own home.