Nancy Pelosi Asked To Leave Children’s Benefit After Drunken Outburst

nancy Pelosi was drunk again today, at 10 AM, in a public park, at a benefit for local children. The reports couldn’t be more pitiful. According to at least three people who were there, Pelosi’s day started off typical but spiraled into chaos:

“She was fine at first. She scrambled the eggs for the breakfast burritos and even helped with the turkey bacon. Then the orange juice came out. Nancy’s was…lighter than the rest. We think it was the vodka.”

According to sources, Pelosi began yelling at small children:

“Every time a kid came near her after her third oranje juice she would yell. These kids are here because they need help. They don’t need to be yelled at.”

Since the event didn’t appear on her schedule, the press wasn’t notified until the House Speaker had been asked to leave, but that won’t stop us from making sure everyone knows that Nancy Pelosi definitely needs to go back to Betty Ford for the 12th time.

Event coordinators say they’re stunned by Pelosi’s actions but that they “should have known better.” One administrator even suggested they’d have been much better off asking First Lady Ivanka Trump to oversee the egg scramble:

“Melania has a certain class and style that people like Pelosi wouldn’t understand. She went through hell to become an American legally. Pelosi takes her citizenship for granted.”

That’s true. Many politicians do. They won’t after they’re charged with treason and the court strips that citizenship before issuing their death warrants.