Pelosi’s Insider Deals To Hoard For Her District Called ‘Illegal and Immoral’

Just when you think Nancy Pelosi can’t go any lower, she pulls something new out of the gutter. You should know she’s looking at this toilet paper shortage as a golden opportunity to thumb her nose every red-blooded republican taxpayer.

In fact, as soon as she caught wind of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020, she unrolled a plan that was so diabolical; it reeked of democratic selfishness.

An unnamed inside source told us that her boy-toy from college, Norville Rogers, brother of the infamous Sandy Batt, just happens to be the president of Charmin. Charmin! Not only that, but she was also overheard on the phone talking to Rogers, reminding him about the many secrets she’s been keeping for decades and demanding toilet paper in droves.

“I didn’t hear the whole conversation, but one thing was clear — she wanted lots of toilet paper. In exchange, she promised to keep her trap shut about some ‘unlicensed investigations’ Rogers conducted back in the day with his giant dog. Next thing you know, under cover of darkness, a ginormous Charmin truck backed up to one of her storage units just outside the city and dumped enough rolls that’ll keep her wipin’ for years. And that was just the first load.”

So, now dear old Nancy is receiving weekly shipments of Charmin and handing them out only to the democrats who’ve picked up her morse code for meeting times and places. Meanwhile, true Americans have their fannies hanging out for God knows how long.

And that’s not the worst part.

Pelosi made Rogers pinky promise to always deliver to her first and keep the supply low enough so republicans will stay toilet paper hungry and dirty. One thing’s for sure, the deal looks pretty crappy for patriots.

It’s no surprise the depths Pelosi will sink to, but one day she must answer for her pesky meddling.