France Announces Plans to Repossess the Statue of Liberty

Citing their horror at the evils of the Donald Jebediah Trump administration, the French government has announced its intention to repossess the Statue of Liberty. Minister of Cultural Artifacts (Overseas Branch) Jean Frederick Alexander-Boulanger made the startling announcement while visiting New York: “Your horrible president has trampled on your Constitution, all norms of decency, and every shred of diplomacy. Lady Liberty no longer represents the cherished American ideals of liberty and freedom. Therefore, we’re taking her back. Neener neener.”

Vowing to protect the Statute of Liberty, President Trump said,

“The French gave us the statue a long time ago. A very long time ago. Believe me, it was a long time ago. And no, they will not be taking their statue back. No, folks, they won’t. Someone came up to me this morning and said, ‘Sir, the French are going to take their statue back.’ And I had no idea what statue they had ever given us, because it was such a long time ago. But now we have the statue, and maybe I’ll finally get to drop a nuclear bomb on someone if they really try to follow through. Believe me.”

National Director of Major Gift Protection Joe Barron also vowed to safeguard our beloved Statue of Liberty. He proposed stationing a bunch of unemployed socialists from Alexandria Octavia-Cortez’s district around the base of the statue and paying them to post Facebook Live videos if the French show up to try to reclaim Lady Liberty.

We all know that Trump has shredded all diplomatic ties with our European allies, so trying to talk the French out of their plan just will not work. Instead, the full force of the United States military will be deployed to protect our famous statue. It’s pretty sad, really. Maybe we Americans should let France take their statue and replace it with a statue of Trump. Now that would really tell the world what our country is all about.