Pelosi Letter to Iran: ‘Trump Will Be Out By Next Year.’

In a move that some critics are calling the “very height of disrespect”, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi penned a letter Friday to President of Iran Achmahadajed Mahmalukah regarding President Trump’s attitudes towards recent tense events, and made assurances that he would be : “out by next year.”

The letter, two pages long, and written on Hello Kitty stationary was delivered this morning by bicycle messenger to One.Tehran Palace, where His Supreme Mufta had it read to him by a servant as he smoked his breakfast hooka pipe and reviewed progress reports from Dearborn, Michigan.  Moles within the palace say the Iranian President was pleased with Pelosi’s letter, and immediately had it placed on his refrigerator door.

State Department officials say that sending the letter before it could even have been properly reviewed was a grievous error on the Speaker’s part, but Pelosi is unapologetic :

“Look, we need to stop Trump from starting anything stupid with them as soon as f*cking possible.  No one’s buying his idiotic lie that he stopped a bombing campaign at the last minute when he found out how many people would be killed.  When he was given the proposal the day before, it included casualty rates.  It always does.  He’s a liar, an idiot, and I intend to have him impeached and/or in jail by this time next year.   Count on it bitches.”

Pelosi also took the time to show off her new Louis Vitton purse which has a special compartment specifically designed to hold President Trump’s balls securely in place.