Fourth Stimulus Package to Extend Pelosi’s Term Indefinitely

As America sits on pins and needles waiting for their stimulus money, the White House is hard at work on a 4th stimulus bill. The president himself can’t wait to help all true Americans with trillions of dollars in aid. Unfortunately, Trump is so busy saving us all, he doesn’t have time to read the fine print. And good old Nancy Pelosi knows when he’s distracted because that’s when she strikes like the snake in the grass she is.

Get this: In the 4th stimulus bill, Pelosi added language that extends her term indefinitely.

That’s right, she will sit as Speaker of the House until she decides to leave — if ever. Not only that, she’s already chosen the next speaker upon her departure, whenever that’ll be, whose term will also be for life. The crazy thing is, her decision is already coded on the back of the Declaration of Independence, only to be decoded by the best cryptologists in the Freemason society.

Senator Joe Barron, head of the bill-editing division in charge of invisible ink, said that he noticed the language and confronted the speaker over a walkie-talkie.

“When I talked to her on the walkie about erasing her term limits in the stimulus bill, she said she had to keep the position. Not only is she the only person who can keep the president in check, but her chair is also perfectly conformed to her butt. ‘Listen Joe, it’s taken me a lot of years to mold that leather just right and nobody’s taking that seat away from me. Nobody! They’ll have to pry it from my cold dead ass!’ She was pretty serious about it.”

When asked why he hasn’t shed light on Pelosi’s scheme, he simply said he didn’t want to get involved any more than he already has because of Pelosi’s Clinton connections.

“Pelosi’s got friends in low places. I mean, people just up and disappear when they cross the Clintons, and I’d like to stay among the living. I’ve hinted about the bill and I hope the Republicans pick up on it, but let’s face it, not everybody is well-versed in invisible ink.”

It comes as no surprise that Nancy wants to keep her position in the House. We just didn’t realize the lengths she would go to for a well-molded seat.