Megan Rapinoe will need to choose a secondary location for her big exodus from America’s evil shores. The European Union, Rapinoe’s desired destination, wants nothing to do with her.
“She has nothing to offer us,” said Foreign Minister Joseppi Barrone, “if she could still play it would be one thing, but what will she do? The job of unpatriotic angry lesbian doesn’t exist over here.”
Rapinoe was unavailable for comment but her spokesman, Art Tubolls, says she’s devastated by the news. “Megan was looking forward to traveling Europe to watch the gam,e she loves so dearly year-round. There’s always something going on in the world of football.”
She still has some hope of getting into the UK, though they don’t particularly care for her either. Ultimately, she’ll find herself headed to Canada, where nobody knows who she is. A fitting end to a shameful career.
ALLOD Sportsball Analyzer Tara Newhole says it’s her own fault for missing that goal at the world cup. “She missed an easy kick on an empty net,” Newhole sais, “at least, that’s what the cult will tell you. In reality, it was a single penalty kick in a full game and not the sole reason they lost.”
But what fun is that? It’s so much more fun to believe that she embarrassed herself so badly that it ended her career. Thinking her life is in shambles and that Wheaties turned her down are some of the most feel-good stories of our time.
Maybe she’ll have some sort of a comeback and we can do this all over again. God Bless those taters. And God bless America.
