Colin Kaepernick, the former NFL quarterback who trashed his career so he could disrespect our flag, decided it would be a good idea to show up at a recent league meet and greet that nobody invited him to. The results didn’t exactly go his way.
“He walked up on the stage when we announced this year’s group of quarterbacks,” said NFL Public Relations Chairman Joe Barron, “Nobody had any clue he was coming. The crowd was stunned at first, then the boos started.”
Within a minute the entire arena was in an uproar and security was escorting Kaepernick out of the building “for his own safety.” In reality, they were ejecting an unwanted presence so they could move on with the event.
“I was flabbergasted,” said Gary Hogeboom,” There I was standing next to Steve Grogan and Kordell Stewart and in walks this shlep. All we could do was laugh.” Rumor has it that Vinny Testeverde gave Kaepernick one of his patented “wet Willies with the buttcrack sweat” as he exited. Testeverde wasn’t available for comment.
“It was sad to watch,” said ALLOD Sportsball Analysticator Tara Newhole, “I was there to cover some of the nation’s most prolific grocery store ribbon-cutters, and here’s Kaepernick, trying to make it about him. He even took a knee and yelled “screw you Gordon Ramsay” before he left the stage.
The league warned Kaepernick not to show up to any more fictitious events. “The penalties will be swift and severe,” said Barron, “We could give him anywhere from a $4 million fine to a Misery style hobbling.”
Will he learn his lesson and stay away? It all depends on how the headline does out of the gate, patriots. God Bless America.
