Dearborn Bowing To Demands For Dog-Free City

It’s well known that certain segments of American society hate man’s best friend, the family dog. This isn’t a casual dislike we speak of, nor is merely the result of a phobia. They absolutely abhor canines with every fiber of their being, thinking them stupid and disgusting animals who should not be allowed anywhere in their vicinity.

Well now the Michigan town of Dearborn has decided to heed their desires – nay, demands – by bringing in a total ban of canines within the city limits. Persons already in possession of dogs have been instructed to either give them away or “dispose” of them before the new year, when the law comes into effect, much to the chagrin of many who are protesting outside city hall today to have the law overturned. Joe Barron is one of those.

“This is outrageous. These dogs are part of our families. Why should we lose our family members because one small group is offended by them?

We’re being threatened with jail time, for dog’s sake! This is America and we will not stand for this!”

On the other side, Satya Martin spoke up for the minority who wishes the dogs away:

“Those that I represent feel dogs are beneath them. They feel dogs are an eyesore and are a threat to their well-being. This threat is presented daily and my clients feel that they are entitled to safety in their community.”

City council has indicated they have no intention of reversing the ban. This may be due to the fact that the special interest group has a place in each and every one of the member’s households, creating obvious conflict.

Felines have claimed victory in Dearborn.