Biden’s Campaign Adds ‘Towels for Liberal Tears’ to Its Website

The growing silent majority knows a few things with 100 percent certainty: President Donald Trump is going to win reelection, Biden is going to lose, and liberals are going to cry a river of tears about it.

In an effort to prepare his loser libtard base for their boohooing on Election Night, Joe Biden’s campaign has added “Towels for Liberal Tears” to its merchandise offerings on the campaign website. Emblazoned with the “Ridin’ with Biden” logo and the slogan: “Ready for your tears of joy on Election Night,” the towels are made from 100 percent organic, locally sourced cotton and conflict-free inks in gender-neutral colors.

President-Elect-to-be Joseph R. Biden is surging in the polls like coronavirus at a Florida nursing home. He knows he’s going to win and he doesn’t want a replay of Election Night 2016 when distraught Democrats had to wipe their tears and snot on their sleeves like little children.

This year, his supporters will have their towels handy to dry their eyes, which will no doubt be necessary when Biden’s win is announced.

Picture it, patriots: Biden wins Florida, pretty much closing off Trump’s only chance of victory. Four years of putting up with Trump’s lying, cheating, destruction, mental illness, ugliness, misogyny, homophobia, court-packing, and cult leadership will come to an end. The catharsis of that moment brings all true patriots to tears of relief, happiness, joy, and hope. (I’m practically crying as I write this, just thinking about it.)

Biden’s campaign manager, Sandy Batt, said that when Trump’s campaign added snarky “Loser Libtard” towels to its website, she and Biden decided to throw that right back in the faces of the delusional Donald the Dotard supporters who — snort — think he’s going to win.

“They think they’re so clever with their snarky little towels. I’ve got your towels for liberal tears right HERE, Donny.”