Ben and Jerry’s decided it would be a good idea to call America a horrible country that stole all its land from the natives. On 4th of July weekend.
Needless to say, it didn’t go over well. The immediate boycotting of the brand by patriotic Americans cost the parent company of the operation more than $2 billion. Its response was swift and decisive.
“We’ve terminated the social media division of Ben and Jerry’s,” said Dutch CEO Johansen Barron, “they were holdouts from the old regime, back when the company was still owned by political activists from Vermont.”
These days, the creamery in Vermont is nothing but a tourist attraction that puts out about three percent of the company’s yield. “We don’t need any of it,” said Barron.”
It’s a good thing the Dutch stepped in and made clear just what Ben and Jerry’s stands for now. Corporate profits and nothing else. The boycotts won’t affect much of anything, because again, the boycotters either already shunned the third wokest company in America or they buy the store brand for $2.84 less.
For this reporter, it was a stunning revelation. I stopped eating the brand when they discontinued Rainforest Crunch back in like 1994 or something. Before every flavor had to have a purpose.
Nowadays the company is capitalism at its finest, but they made the mistake of hanging on to the crunchy granola Gen Xers that actually stand for something. No more; problem solved. God Bless You, Dutch Multinational, and God Bless America.
