Ruth Bader Ginsberg Pays $12M to Skip to Front of Organ Transplant Line

Ruth Bader Ginsberg, affectionately known as RBG, is an extremely liberal Supreme Court Justice. She’s also *gasp* a woman! She’s on the very liberal side of every decision our nation’s highest court has made. She battles for equality. She battles for a level playing field. In short, she’s disgusting.

Recently, RBG has suffered from numerous ailments, notable amongst them pancreatic cancer. After battling for the better part of a decade, she finally beat this disease.

It was miraculous, especially considering she’s 900 years old. What’s more maniac than miraculous, though, is what she did to very little fanfare last week:

She cut in line and now occupies the preeminent spot at the top of the organ donor list. What makes this even more heinous is that she doesn’t even need a transplant. She did this just to stick it to the hard-working American taxpayers who are patiently waiting for new livers, lungs, and hearts (oh my!).

The doctor who runs the transplant list, Lewiston Colon Ph.D., issued this statement:

“What RBG has done is unprecedented and truly evil. Sadly, the Democrats keep on taxing us so heavily that we are in desperate need of a huge influx of cash. I have no idea where Ruth got this money, but frankly, we don’t care. Now I can finally afford to buy that Maeserati that I’ve been coveting for so long!”

Tragically, the person who was originally at the top of the organ transplant list was local man Josef LaFormsky. A seventh-generation American, LaFormsky was waiting for a lower colon, as his has been obliterated from years of burrito abuse. LaFormsky yelled “WHY WON’T SOMEONE HELP MEEEARGH” and then fatally succumbed to his injuries. It was tragic and frankly, a little weird, as a lower colon isn’t even an organ.

Sometimes, that’s just how the cookie crumbles, though.

We have no idea when this socialist freight train of disgusting behavior will end. Since RBG will be getting a new pancreas, we can only assume that it won’t be anytime soon. God help us all.