Ted Nugent is an American treasure. He’s sold in excess of 30 million records, hunts for sustenance as well as sport, and was once a sheriff’s deputy. He’s also dodged the Vietnam draft by defecating his own pants, has said “not all men are created equal,” and is a devout Christian.
In short, he’s definitely a Donald Trump guy.
Well, all of that came crashing down on The Nuge recently. While recording an episode of The Joe Rogan experience podcast, San Francisco Police Department officers raided the studio where the recording was taking place. Nugent complied with all police orders until they asked him to remove his shirt, which was an American Flag design.
Despite it violating Flag Code, and thereby being extremely disrespectful to the flag and our military, Nugent put his foot down and refused to remove it.
That’s when officers tased Nugent, causing him to once again defecate his pants (his go-to move), before locking him in handcuffs and taking him to the county jail. In his arraignment last Friday, San Francisco District Attorney John Sanchez alleged that Mr. Nugent’s use of the American Flag constituted hate speech. Charges were formally filed later that afternoon.
A spokesperson for the San Francisco District Attorney’s office and internet meme sensation Maddie Jackson issued this statement:
“What Mr. Nugent seems to be appropriate attire is not only a violation of the Flag Code, but it makes me haz a sad. Anything that makes me haz a sad must be hateful. Therefore, hate speech. Us liberals, especially liberal dogs such as myself, obviously hate non-socialistic America, so that shirt should be burned with vegan hemp seed oil and then repurposed as a coffee table. Upcycling.”
Since Nugent is as broke as a joke, he could not post bail. He reached out to fellow draft dodger and patriot President Donald Trump, but sadly, just like The Nuge, he is also broke. Ultimately, local prostitution JLo Sunshine posted Nugent’s bail. Not only does she respect Nugent’s rock and roll ways, but she also promised him a blumpkin, which he happily accepted.
The court date is set for July 4th, ironically. The jury box is set to be filled with the most socialistic, filthy, compassionate liberals the West Coast has ever seen. What will the fate of The Nuge be? Only time, and liberal coastal elite ideals, will tell.
