Rashida Tlaib Loses Her Primary, Vows ‘I Demand a Recount’

In a shocking, completely unexpected election result, Michigan Representative Rashida Tlaib has LOST her primary and will be out of office in January. The one-term wonder was expected to win easily, casting all kinds of doubt on every single poll that’s conducted this election season.

Yes, patriots, Rashida Tlaib — known for calling to impeach our dear leader, President Donald Jacknut Trump, on her first day in office in 2019 — has been tossed out by the voters of her district. She has demanded a recount, no doubt to give her corrupt, Communist, anti-American buddies a chance to rig the vote in her favor.

“My loss was so narrow — only 600 votes out of 11 million cast — that I demand a recount. I will personally oversee the recount, and I definitely won’t steal any ballots that are for my opponent and I also won’t stuff any extra ballots in the boxes that add 601 votes for me. Nope, I won’t do that,” Tlaib said.

Oh, wait. Newsflash: she actually WON her primary and she’s all-but-guaranteed to win her left-leaning Detroit district in November. But don’t let that stop you from whining about how she’s trying to ruin America and how she should “go back where she came from.”

For good measure, lump her in with the other women of color in The Squad, and make some misogynistic comment about all of them. Because that’s what taters do.

Sandy Batt, Rep. Tlaib’s campaign manager, smiled and winked as she commented, “We’ve got this in the bag. How do I know? I just do. Rashida will win the recount and she’ll win in November. I guarantee it.” That doesn’t sound fishy at all, does it?

Lewis Colon, the spokesman for Tlaib’s opponent Joe Barron, replied, “Joe is going to win when all the ballots are counted. And you can “quote” me on that.”