Jimmy Kimmel may have believed he was in the right when he “defended himself” against the truth bombs of Aaron Rodgers. Unfortunately for him, the people upstairs at NBC disagreed.

“Kimmel was suspended for two weeks without pay and fined $500K,” said NBC Executive Spokesmodel Joe Barron, “Because it was totally in his contract that we could do that if he upset the Maga crowd.”

Kimmel signed off on that clause early last year after Bud Light fricked around and found out what it means to piss off the right. “There’s no way we were gonna become them,” said Barron.”

Rumor has it that most Hollywood personalities, professional athletes, and famous musicians had no choice but to sign similar contracts or face the wrath of Kid Rock, Charlie Kirk, and a dude proud to call himself a piece of shit.

ALLOD Correspondelator Tara Newhole confirmed that “anti-woke” agreements are now common in just about every professional contract under the sun. “Unless you’re applying to be a kindergarten teacher or a librarian who loves to suggest pornography to children, you’re just not allowed to be woke anymore.”

She’s not kidding, patriots. This journalisticator is under a non-woke agreement himself. It seems the management was worried a guy named Flagg wasn’t patriotic enough. As if.

Anyway, Kimmel found out the hard way, so there’s that. God bless America.


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