Since his controversial and troubled election in 2016, *President Trump has earned the certain and undivided fealty of the Republican party, pushing and prodding the once-mighty collection of logical-thinkers to the far right to abandon principles and reality to accept conspiracy theory and race-based slander and fear-pandering.  But a few holdouts stood fast against the commander in chief’s politics of ridiculous philosophy, branding themselves “RINOS” by Trump’s mentally-handicapped followers.  One of those Republicans Utah’s former presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

Romney has a public history of opposing the *President, and cast the only vote to levy criminal charges against him after his impeachment hearings.  However, even after losing to Barack Obama in a landslide election and perfectly mirroring Bill Paxton’s character from HBO’s “Big Love” program in real life, the Roger Corman-Abhorin’ Mormon still commands the respect of millions inside and outside of his state.

Corman’s much-maligned Fantastic Four movie did at least have a Thing who appeared to be a joyless constipated Sleestak.

Romney’s break with the majority became even more public during an interview with journalist Joe Barron of Utah’s Heavenly Father’s Queefly last week, when the soft-spoken Senator erupted into his version of a rant :

“Trump has done nothing for nearly four years except absolutely prove himself to be a cartoonish failure and fool in the presidency.  I’m at an absolute loss to understand how anyone with a shred of an operating thought-process could support his pure bull-puckey.  He has, and is currently, putting millions of Americans in deadly danger by botching everything having to do with this pandemic crisis, he’s in direct opposition to the majority of citizens who want police reform and conversation about institutional racism.  He’s worried about rallies, for Joeseph Smith’s sake.  I’m going to ask forgiveness ahead of time for the language I’m about to use from Our Father and the sacred plates.  I will immediately return to my chambers and do penance through flogging by caffeine-free Twizzler ropes.  Here we go.  Donald Trump is a fat, dumb poopy-head.  Blessings all.”

Entertainer Clay Aiken was hospitalized after reading the interview and remains stable with an acute case of the Vapors.

Romney is weathering flak from the more conservative morons that still count themselves among his constituency as well as Latter-Day Church leaders for his shocking outburst.  But the Senator maintains that he’s counting on the magic of his conscience and his underwear to see him through.



  1. paul west

    Romney is a hate filled person with no redeeming qualities, he should be removed by any means possible.

  2. Anonymous

    He is still pissed because he did not win



  4. Dennis Stancil

    What a chicken, wants nothing but everyone to like him, NO RESPECT for you, you P.O.S.

  5. Alan Whitney

    Mitt Romney is a four-flushing clod pate.

  6. Chad Thompson

    Let’s try honesty……I live in Utah If Romney ran today he couldn’t get 20% of the vote. There is very little respect for him outside of Salt Lake. He has and continues to misrepresent our state. Wish we could get rid of his poor and ineffective actions

  7. Concerned Citizen

    Mormon RINO Pig … All of the same

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