Garth Brooks is a big fan of Kid Rock’s Nashville Honky Tonk and Rock and Roll Steakhouse. He loves the prime rib so much that he has a weekly reservation. When he decided to back Bud Light over his own fan base, however, people figured that would change.

“Kid Rock is obviously opposed to all things Bud Light,” said club manager Joe Barron, “so naturally, when he heard Garth was still coming, he had no choice but to put a stop to it.”

When Brooks showed up on Sunday, Kid was waiting for him at his regular table.

“Sorry, bro. Seat’s taken,” Kid said, “this bar is for assholes only.” The reference was obviously aimed at Brooks’ declaration that all of the Bud Light boycotters, or most of his own fanbase, are themselves rectal orifices. Brooks left with blubbery eyes, as usual.

Kid Rock then went down to the bar and gave everyone a round of free Bud Light he got from the distributor as a plea to start carrying the brand.

“The drinks are free,” he told the crowd, “but they’re not good.” The people burst into laughter and started throwing their bottles at each other in protest.

Altogether, there were more than a dozen injuries, but a good time was had by all. Most importantly, Kid booted that traitor Garth Brooks, so all’s well that ends well.

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