IRS Audits Nancy Pelosi, Discovers Decades of Embezzling from Taxpayers

It’s a well-known fact that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has been stealing from taxpayers for decades, ever since she was first elected to Congress in 1987. Yes, everyone knows it, but no one has ever been able to prove it.

Until now.

Our famously ethical and morally upright president, Donald Trump, ordered the IRS to audit Nancy Pelosi’s tax returns back to 1975, because it’s totally within the president’s power to do so and that’s not an abuse of power at all. The completely believable results were shocking.

It’s all there in black and white: She started by stuffing $10 bills from the official Congressional Petty Cash, Vodka Tonic & Slush Fund account into her bra at the end of each session. As time went on, she got bolder and paid multiple visits — allegedly on official business — to the United States Mint. No one raised an eyebrow when she walked out each time lugging two huge duffel bags full of $5,000 bills slung across her petite shoulders like the emboldened thief that she is.

Now that she has been caught red-handed with iron-clad proof that she’s been stealing taxpayers’ money for decades, it’s a given that she’ll spend the rest of her life in prison.

Inspector Sandy Batt, who was recently promoted to Grand Poobah of the IRS Auditing Goon Squad, said, “Speaker Pelosi has lived a lavish lifestyle on stolen money. We intend to claw it all back, leave her and her large family penniless, and drink all the wine from her vineyard in Napa Valley.”

We all knew it was true. After all, how could someone whose salary is just over $200,000 become a multi-billionaire without stealing? It’s impossible! And certainly not related to being married for almost 60 years to an extremely successful investor who has made scads of money over the decades.

See you in prison, “Speaker” Pelosi.