Garth Brooks made a huge mistake when he called his fans “a-holes.” He thought he was being clever and progressive when really he was being ignorant to his own base.

“Country music isn’t about excluding people,” said Country Music Association President Joe Barron, “That’s why I called for the vote to remove Garth from the Board of Governors. He doesn’t belong there.”

The vote was swift and nearly unanimous, with only his own wife and Maren Morris backing the disgraced former star.

“The next election will see a new regent on the board for the first time in more than ten years,” said Barron, “which is sad but also very exciting.” According to sources close to the Board, Jelly Roll and Jason Aldean are both under serious consideration.

So what’s next for Brooks? ALLOD Country Music Correspondent Tara Newhole reached out to the former singer to see what he plans to do now that his career is over.

“I was thinking about taking up finger puppeteering,” he told Newhole, “if you really look into it, there just aren’t enough people doing that kind of thing. I think it’s a shame and so does Tricia. She supports me in all my endeavors, as long as I don’t collect human skulls.”

Tricia Yearwood always seemed a little strict. Brooks says he’s not really worried about money, since he has 4 percent of the world’s supply, but he is worried that people might forget “Achy Breaky Heart.” That really would be a travesty. God Bless America.


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